Well, on a lazy day like today. Lazy for me, because I have it off. Today is well, it’s my Saturday night I guess you could say. Seeing I’m a night owl. That’s right!
So… I have a major problem. A problem in which could easily be solved or well, not. After days, if not a entire week of speaking with the girlfriend about things around the place that we need to resolve the major one of which well, hasn’t.
No, no, no… Don’t get your panties all in a ball Zsa Zsa Gabor. I’m not going to become a single man. You’ll just have to wait….
Can you wait a few more years?
I mean seriously, please… I like my cougars old and well, not quite alive. Ha.. that’s disgusting. Go and take a visual image of that one. I don’t specifically want to get sick and puke so I’m not going to make a picture of that. I’m just going to think happy thoughts.
Hmmm.. happy thoughts…. No picture needed……
So stop the stuttering around right? What’s this major problem?
I AM COMPLETELY OUT OF TOILET PAPER!!!
Now this may or may not be a major problem in your eyes. But seriously it is.
How else am I to well, clean up after dropping off my deposit? I don’t know.
And yes, I could easily go over and walk to a store or even drive to about ten different stores and grab some. Hell, I could even go to the local McDoanld’s and let’s say “borrow” some toilet paper.
Well, I’m just being lazy.
And well, that may not be the super problem. The lazy part, but after eating a entire can of beans, well, we have a major problem.
I’ve been thinking of ways to resolve this issue… and I haven’t come up with anything legitamte so I’m going to ask you the people … the fans, the heroes hopefully… how will I resolve my lack of toilet paper?
And no…. Dad… I do not have the Sears Catalog. I know you used to use it back in the day… And by day.. I mean three days ago.
So I have come up with a few solutions.. and no, I WILL NOT… I repeat I will not go to the store. I don’t want to miss a second of what I’m watching on television right now….
Who else is watching Judge Joe Brown? I don’t know. I just don’t want to lose the future viewing of this show. I just hope they don’t cancel it…
Now, I’m thinking of a few things I could do… and well, the added dots or periods or whatever.. wait, that gives me another idea.. let’s throw some out there…
1) Use a book
Well, this could work. I mean I do have a few books laying around. But then again, I’m not sure how the paper will feel upon my rumps. Plus I would hate to have a paper cut down there.
How would that go over when I start having to walk around? Ouch.
And then having to admit why I’m walking funny. Would you really want me to say “I have a paper cut on my rumps”…
2) A Towel
Well, I have a few references where this could work. Yet, how would I explain to the girlfriend why the towel smells funny.
But the references are as follows South Park and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. And if you don’t know those respected references then well, I’m very sorry for you.
I mean come on, you should be feeling my pain right now!
This will result in the same problem as number one.. Plus I might have to poo onto Charlie Brown. How do you think he will like that one?
4) A T-Shirt
I don’t want to go and use one of my t-shirts. I mean come on why would I want to use my own stuff. Yet, the feel of fabric, the touch of cotton. That would feel so nice.
The touch, the feel…. cotton in are lives..
Or however that song goes….
5) Another Persons T-shirt
Now this is an idea. I could go ahead and use another persons t-shirt, yet, the only t-shirts here are my girlfriends. And it would be slightly rude if I went and used one of her shirts to clean up.
Yet again, she’s always complaining I don’t do enough cleaning around here. And well, I don’t want to make her upset.
So maybe I should go ahead and use one of her shirts.
I don’t want to go and let her down.
Make her happy. That’s my motto.
I guess I could think of other things to use around the house, but seriously I think anything else would just be irresponsible. After all, I’m here to please my girlfriend.
Although I could always be very fortunate to date someone this hot….