Last night a friend of mine and I. Yes, I have a friend. And I’m not mentioning Emo Eric or Ravena Randy. But I’m missing my old friend Rob. You may know him as Big Rob, as he’s shown up numerous times here on Hachland as a special segment of “Where In The World Is Big Rob”
And finally for once I went out and joined him. We traveled up North past the Great Escape, yes, the Great Escape. If you are not familiar well, I’m sorry I don’t know how to explain a Six Flags amusement park to you.
As we traveled up past the amusement park, we landed in the land known as Whitehall, New York. We had never ventured into this area of the world before, we weren’t really sure what to expect.
We had found out previous about a wrestling show taking place at the Whitehall Athletic Club. And us as wrestling fans, obviously decided to venture to the show. After all it was billed at a reasonably cheap price. Cheaper than most WWE Action Figures you can purchase.
So as we pulled through the town, we had noticed they had some well known stores and restaurants. Such as McDoanlds, Subway and a Dunkin Donuts, well… They had a Dunkin Donuts. It had seemed to have gone out of business a long time ago. We soon would find out why.
As our adventure into Whitehall continued we finally found the Athletic Club. And by the looks of it, it was the only thing going for the Podunk town. As the town had a unknown amount of Dodge Neons, and a few Chevy Astro vans. Which if you are not following the world economy really shows the lack of money an area has.
Don’t believe me? The United States Department of the Treasury actually released this mathematical form to help people understand how a town, village or city is fiscally safe.
P is poverty. While D stands for Dodge Neons and T stands for teeth. While Dodge Neons are the norm, sometimes a Chrysler and/or Plymouth Neon is interchangeable.
While this town has since gone off the fiscal cliff decades ago. They do have a nice Athletic Club.
And while we would later learn that this town has made the big time and has been featured on numerous News channels and even the Animal Planet. We hadn’t done our research about this area. Something that we shall now begin practicing. As this town has had numerous Bigfoot sightings.
With this knowledge not know to us the following night would soon turn into a shocking and crazy adventure in which would leave us both shaken and disturbed for the rest of our lives.
While we ventured into the Athletic Club, after parking our vehicle down the street, past numerous abandon houses that seemed at one point seemed to be something that wealthy people would live in. Now however are not. With age these once great houses have gone down, shrunken to fear filled prisons of ghosts gone by.
Our car was parked off towards the end of a dead end street. Near a tree. A tree in which we refereed to as the biggest and scariest tree we would ever see. Much more scarier than the old tree on the side of 396 that years previous had become famous for its fame on the Selkirk page featured on the Wikipedia website.
While we walked down the sidewalk, the houses seemed quite scary. Not that there’s people reaping out of the windows. The fact that there were no people.
As we opened the doors to the Athletic Club we were approached by a man. A man that we both later mentioned we had previously seen, but just couldn’t place where or who he was.
He greeted us with a huge smile and a boomingly loud “Hello”. He asked us both of our names, while we were quite thrown off by his eccentric activities. We both happily went with it. As he lead us to our seats he walked with a limp as a man who had once had his foot stuck in concrete.
As he showed us to our seats he spoke once more, this time his demeanor wasn’t quite as energetic. Almost as if he was sad that he would soon have to leave our presence. He told us to enjoy the show…
Actually he said “Enjoy the show, Ohhhh, yessssss, enjoy the show!”
While we both later spoke about how loud and awkward the whole situation was. We both noted that we hadn’t noticed anyone else in the crowd or surrounding area seemed to notice his voice or even him for that matter.
We sat on and watched as the wrestlers came out. They lived their gimmicks to they key. Some being better than others, some not so well. But as the show went onwards we never saw that strange man again. The main event showcased a 20 man battle royal, in which a man dressed as Spiderman came out. Another man dressed as a Scarecrow came out. While the other competitors were wrestlers with other characters those few were quite memorable because of the difference from the rest.
The show would soon end and we would soon leave the Athletic Club. While we ventured back out onto the Dead End street to our car to venture back home.
Our night would soon change and never be the same again. Never.
As we walked down the street, making numerous comments about the houses and how the trees looked like something out of the Wizard of Oz. We finally found our car, but upon me climbing over the snow bank and attempting to get into my side of the car I noticed someone.
A drunk guy.
He had passed out on the side of the car after drinking at the local bar. He mentioned to us that he once had seen a car similar to the one we were driving in. And how he wished he could have one.
He smelled of Jack Daniels and piss. He stumbled over his words as he spoke. I helped him to his feet as he asked us our names we seemed to have a strong sense of Deja Vu.
You know, all over again.
We told him our names. We explained why we were there. And he began to tell us about his adventure.
He started with getting yelled at by his boss earlier in the day. You see he worked at McDoanlds.
Somehow neither of us were surprised.
He explained how he’s not allowed to make sandwiches or do anything with any sort of the food side. He wasn’t allowed to make french fries, he couldn’t even pour salt on the damn things. At one point he was allowed to pour drinks for people. But that ended. He told us he hadn’t done it on purpose but that one of his tooths, his words not ours. His tooth had supposedly fallen out of his mouth and into a customers coffee.
We asked him how he was able to keep his job after such a crazy incident. And while he didn’t understand the word incident and about nearly 10 minutes of us trying to explain to him what the word incident meant we just gave up. We tried telling him, we used other words, we gave examples. Yet, he still didn’t understand.
We pretended to laugh along with his stories. Yet, he discovered we were just playing along with him. He got pretty upset with Rob when Rob laughed at a story of his that wasn’t funny. “Dat ain’t funny” He said. Numerous times.
While we had a few bumps and odd instances with him. We were later invited over to his house for a drink.
Although later we found out that the only sort of drink he had was a small bucket of piss left next to wear the toilet used to be. Neither of us were interested in that.
We joked about things. I even pretended to be British. Until he realized I wasn’t.
But we had a all and all fun time.
Until we realized who he was.
He was Whitehall Willy.
The one, the only Whitehall Willy.
The man who first reported a Bigfoot spotting.
We would later discover that it was pictures of his great aunt Alice.
But that was another story for another time. Because we had to venture back home.
Before we left Willy, he gave us a picture of his Aunt. So that we could show the world. As he said it.
I still think it’s a tree.