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Earlier in my life I enjoyed watching bad movies and by bad movies I mean terrible rip your eyes out of your skull don’t give a crap if you live or die type bad movies. You know what I’m talking about right?

Okay, maybe it wasn’t just earlier in my life or it’s just a constant thing.

Going with all of this I was searching my On Demand and discovered a Judge Reinhold film. Now there isn’t many finer things in life than a movie starring the Judge Reinhold. From being that guy in some of the greatest movies in the 80s to being a leading man in some classic comedies such as… um… is Vice Versa one?

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All assumption in my mind that it wasn’t. Yet it should have been. The teaming of Reinhold and Fred Savage should have been gold. For some reason in this instance gold equaled total and utter crap!

While Vice Versa may not have been the box office hit it still did gain nearly 14 million dollars. Why not attempt to keep Reinhold in a leading role? After all he played a pretty darn cop in Beverly Hills Cop, it’s not like Eddie Murphy carried that movie or anything.

In the early 1990s someone thought Reinhold was really gold. Yet, doubted the fact he could actually bank anyone to give their hard earned money to see a movie he was in. So what’s the next best thing? Made for TV movie.

That’s just what was done as the fine people who brought us the colorization of classic black and white movies. Because that’s what we wanted to see. The Wizard Of Oz in color. Not just the last half of the movie the entire part. I want to know the color of that cow!

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Is that cow black and white?

Back to this block buster movie Four Eyes and Six Guns. This was aired on a Monday night at 8pm on TNT. Sound familiar? Well, yes a few years later WCW Nitro would hold that spot.

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Luckily for TNT this is still a few weeks before WWE Raw debuted. I mean that the opposite way, right?

Okay enough of the build up. What’s this movie all about?

According to Wikipedia this is the description of the movie: Ernest Albright opens his eyeglass store in what he thinks is a thriving community, but soon discovers that his store is just a shabby shack in Tombstone, Arizona. The town’s Doom Brothers are trouble for everybody including Wyatt Earp, the sheriff. Ernest uses his own special brand of short-sighted shooting to help Wyatt rid the town of its worst citizens and live in peace.

Yes. You read that right. Wyatt Earp and Tombstone.  How bad could this movie be? It’s not like it stars some terrible talent and a stupid concept, right?

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Yes Kurt Russel version of Wyatt Earp? You want me to take back that last question. Just to admit how bad this movie will be? Okay. I’ll get to that.

But now let’s go over the stars or rather the cast. Yeah, let’s not jump to calling these people stars.

While we already know that Judge Reinhold is the lead actor. Let me explain his character to you.

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You see that’s the legendary Reinhold. Notice the glasses? The name of the movie? And even the description of the movie where he opens a eyeglass shop? Well, his character is a eye lover. Or something of the sorts. He’s not a doctor of Optometry because as he states he’s not recognized as a doctor, so just call him Mister. Mister Allbright. I’m not sure if that’s a play on the fact he’s a eye doctor or now. But his first name is definitely a play on the fact this movie is a comedy and a bad one at that. His first name? Of course it’s Earnest.

With this being a western comedy we know there will be a leading lady and in this case it’s none other than Patricia Clarkson. You know that girl that played Eliot Ness’ wife in The Untouchables?

Wait wasn’t Kevin Costner in that movie?

Yeah. He was Eliot Ness.

Didn’t he play Wyatt Earp?

Yes, he did a few years after this film.

Is that odd?

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Okay, Kevin Costner’s Wyatt Earp… I understand I’m talking to myself. I’ll go back to talking about the movie.

So Patricia Clarkson’s character is named Lucy Laughton. Because is a comedy, remember?

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She’s a quiet girl who works at the same place with Allbright. She realizes that he has a love outside of eyes and that’s shooting guns. So she helps him find his passion. But the only problem with his passion is that he shoots like this…

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SIX-GUN SPOOK

I know exactly. That just looks bad.

Even for a comedy this is as a bad way to shoot a gun. But obviously he’ll over come this way of shooting a gun. Maybe with help from Wyatt Earp?

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Oh yes. Fred Ward, you are the Wyatt Earp we’re talking about. You will teach the Judge how to shoot. Wait, where is your mustache?

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Whoa.. wait a minute. Is he playing Wyatt Earp or Yosemite Sam?

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Okay… Maybe we should get…

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Serious. Yes, thanks Judge. Eh, I mean Mister Allbright.

So I have explained the main three characters and the reason they’re all appearing. But this is a western movie, there has to be evil people. So who is the evil guy?

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Wait is that John Candy?

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Ummm.. Chris Farley?

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Oh wait.. it’s none other than M. Emmet Walsh…

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Yep… that guy. He’s been in over 200 movies and mostly been a character actor. This movie is like none other. As he is well, a character actor.

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NO! No… not that kind of character.

As the movie goes on to deliver lame joke after lame joke. Ultimately teaching us a lesson. That lesson?

That if you make Wyatt Earp wear glasses it’ll help you in being able to shoot.

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That’s what Four Eyes and Six Guns is all about.

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Yes? What is that Robert De Niro version of Al Capone? Are you upset that this movie wasn’t better? Do you wish that Judge Reinhold wasn’t the leading man and that maybe someone that knows comedy was the lead role? Do you think TNT could have made a better movie if they decided to mash up all the commercials?

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