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For the past few months I’ve started going though my baseball cards, football cards and well, my entire cardboard collection. I’ve been plugging them into a Excel sheet and coming up with some fascinating results. And those results are simple… some of our fore fathers in baseball are funny as hell! From their 1980s looks to their names to well, everything in between.

So here’s just a showcase of a few of them.

I’m A Dick And I Know It

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Meet Dickie Thorn. This is his 1987 Topps card of his. As you can obviously tell he’s a Thon, a Dickie Thon.

Meet Cummings

john-cummings-autographed-baseball-card-seattle-mariners-1992-upper-deck-179_7af906c4fd0333b58eac41f575446e4c

Introducing the Seattle Mariners Top Prospect John Cummings! With a name like that you would expect him to get a lot of tail. But not give you brown streaks for it.

Sex Predator?

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Speaking of the Mariners let’s check out their legendary Designated Hitter, legendary not because of his baseball career. But more of his look… the look of a sexual predator! Watch out kids there’s more than candy in that van!

The Double Stare Down!

john_rabb_autographThis is John Rabb, in his 1984 Topps card he gave us something that many before and many since haven’t. A double stare down. Because as the Scarecrow once said some people go that way and some people go that way. But Rabb, he goes both ways!

Oh and don’t worry kids his 1984 Topps card isn’t the only card in which he gives us that stare down check out his 1984 Donruss card.

95-143FrI guess the stare down was all that Rabb could offer for the Giants because in his 5 year Major League career all he could muster was 46 hits and a lifetime .225 batting average. Which is pretty good seeing as in 1984 he couldn’t get over .200. Must have been starring way too much.

Those Eyes

749-191FrTalking about stare downs check out former New York Yankee Scott Kamieniecki who’s 1995 Pinnacle card showcases some of the most fearful eyes one would ever see. I dare you to move you computer screen around…. those eyes just follow you around. It’s quite creepy… In fact its a lot creepy.

It’s so creepy even his Fleer card from that year has those cold blooded eyes…

494-72BkDay Dreaming

m0dccRCSszNl7l01ILtZ3iQNow it’s time to check out what Jeff Robinson of the Detroit Tigers is doing…

I guess he’s day dreaming?

But what could he have been dreaming of? Maybe of lasting more than 6 years and having a life time ERA that wasn’t 4.79?

Oh well, I wonder what he’s doing now…

Probably still day dreaming some where…

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