As part of my new found lifestyle. Which is a lifestyle some people on the healthy side of life live. I went on an adventure.
Yes, it was awkward. Not nearly as awkward as I started this babble. But nearly as awkward. Almost as awkward as spelling the word awkward with way too many W’s. But that’s a story for another post.
As for this one, I continue. Recently a.k.a. about a week ago, I dove into the FitBit lifestyle. I obtained one. Nearly a year after my father had acquired one and my brother had long since stopped wearing his. I joined the revolution.
A revolution surely built behind the Big Sneaker organizations.
FitBit, for those who don’t know, is a device that you wear that counts how many steps you take. Yes, a over priced pedometer.
Fast forward to where this story gets better.
I got one, and wanted to get my step count up. Because I have a new found reputation to uphold. Something I’ve never done before. Keep things up and/or have a reputation for doing things good.
So after failing miserably last week on my days off with getting only a few thousand steps in. Because well, my life is filled with late nights and barely any sleep. But that’s neither here nor where this story will ultimately journey to. I decided to search out areas to walk.
And wouldn’t you know that this great state I live in called New York has a few places called State Parks. Well, I decided not to visit one. So I found this path near the airport which has been paved and people can walk, run and even bike on it.
But trying to find where this trail actually resonates from was quite difficult in the first place. After failing at a hotel, I finally settled on parking in a office buildings parking lot. Oddly to the back where I wouldn’t have to walk far to get on the trail.
As I make me journey on this paved walking trail which bends and turns on the other side of the road from the Albany International Airport and the world famous Albany County Jail. I make that sudden realization that I’ve done a huge mistake.
Not thinking of this thing called time and how actual long it is to get to 10,000 steps. The basic goal of the FitBit. I start walking.
Following the paved trail I journey through the woods, over the street. Yes, over. There’s a man made bridge that floats over a road.
Walking onward I got to the other side, where I learn the nicely paved walkway turns into a lame sidewalk and then slowly turns into nothing at all. But as I continue my journey I see a cemetery. And for those who have followed me on Facebook know I’ve been on this cemetery kick lately.
I’m just dying to get into one.
Any ways, it turns out it’s the cemetery for the Shaker Heritage group. Or what have you. A group of Shakers who first set up residency in the area. Mainly because of the location. Hey, wouldn’t you live near the airport. Even if it wouldn’t be built for a few hundred years.
The journey continues as I walk down the road, and past the cemetery, which is currently inhabited by a bunch of town workers. Not because they’re on their lunch break and have a fascination with eating food in front of dead people. But because of a storm that occurred earlier in the week. They’re chopping down a tree.
I continue walking and find a small unpaved turn around spot. Or as it suddenly reveals itself to me as a parking lot. There’s a make shift memorial located there, but what sparks my interest more is a closed gate and a small walk way.
Which suddenly reveals itself to be a trail and a pond. There’s a quite glorious old abandon building in honor of the great Parks and Recreation television show on NBC. As I walk down the unkempt yet oddly freshly mowed area I find a pond and a bridge that due to previously mentioned unkemptness has gone into a state of disrepair and a sign which reads “Bridge Closed” appears in front of it.
As my journey on this side of the pond suddenly reaches it’s plateau of dead ends. I journey outwords and venture towards another opening where you can clearly see the pond, that you couldn’t clearly see on my previous viewing. Due to the keyword – unkempt.
I walk around the pond noticing a side for a hiking trail. So I take it.
And what ensues is the last adventure of a fat kid who just bought a FitBit.
As I take to the trails, I someone who has hardly ever hiked or followed signs fairly well, get lost.
Don’t blame me for this. It’s not my fault they clearly wanted me to get lost. They didn’t have enough signs, or even a rope for me to stay within the boundaries of the trail.
It obviously wasn’t my fault for taking an excess of pictures and venturing off the trail saying to myself “Oh, this looks like a cooler way to go”
After walking around for what seemed forever, and no it wasn’t. Because my damn FitBit malfunctioned and had yet to reach it’s 10,000 step count.
I realized I’m completely lost and have no clue which way this trail or the three others I ventured off of go.
Luckily I find a new trail made of four wheeler tracks and follow that. Because hey a four wheeler can go on the road. And roads lead back to my car.
This new found idea fails miserably because I just continue my streak of being lost.
But eventually I come to a clearing and say to myself “Hey, idiot. You have a cellphone with GPS. Go ahead and use it!”
A cellphone that I must use quickly and preciously because the excess pictures I have taken and the lack of charging it fully has drawn my battery to a state of dying. First in the yellow and then suddenly to red.
The race was on. A race that I liked to side with the dying phone with because I waste minutes posting a picture on Instagram of the previously stated pond and write the caption “found a pond and now I’m lost”
The phone’s battery teases me as it turns from the yellow bar of fear to the red of death. The screen goes dark to preserve energy. I continued to be lost, yet, knowing fully that I can’t be too lost after all there’s an airport to one of my sides and major highways as well.
With the un-calming fear of “I still have to walk!” And the beating of sweat down by face. I panic. I attempt to remember how to search GPS.
I say my ABC’s because for some reason I completely forget what letter Maps start with. Yes, it’s not that easy when you’re in the middle of nowhere and your FitBit is taunting you.
After finding Google Maps, I turn on my location, I switch to walking and find myself nearly an hour away from my car and yet minutes away from Wolf Road.
For anyone who understands where Wolf Road is, or well, what it is. It’s a major destination with numerous restaurants, Dunkin Donuts and even a mall where you can be hassled by people with college degrees to buy things that you will never want.
Needless to say I wasn’t heading that way, because after all I’m a fat guy who’s been walking for over an hour and it’s severely hot out. Or in the case of me, it’s probably 40 degrees outside but I’m still pouring down sweat like I’m a walking bowl of soup.
Getting my GPS to point me in the right way, I begin my journey back to my car. A journey that would entice others to run, me, I’m not running. I’ve got little to no life left on my cellphone and even less within my own body.
Walking onward I find a path in which a vehicle bigger than a four wheeler has traveled. I, now in a aforementioned clearing, has begun seeing the airport. I see cars in which drive past the said airport and then as I continue on this dirt road I see things. Things that if I touched could probably get me arrested for a federal crime.
These things are various radar detectors and probably some anti-terrorism machines that crazy conspiracy theorists have created within their minds and spread word out through poorly visited Facebook groups.
Sadly with my phone near death I couldn’t capture a picture of these machines and post it on Instagram with the caption “Finally met Radar O’Reilly”
As my venture back to my car continues I make it out of this grass Federal crime waiting to happen area. And past a gate which has been longed locked but not to worry someone must have lost the keys to it and a path to the side of it has been created where people and cars a like have traveled.
I’m finally on the road. I walk on the side of it, because I don’t want to pretend to be a car. I watch as the cars drive by, the airport to my right. Nothing major is happening there. Just the same old. A big fence with a lot of airplanes. A zoo for air planes if you will.
A head of me is my destination. The length and time is the only thing I’m battling. That and the fact I’m sweating and have been walking for hours. With nothing to drink and no camera to take pictures with I hope for only the best.
Something that I quickly lose as just before me a police car pulls over a car.
Great. Now I’m going to jail because this cop will not enjoy some fat guy walking by him while he’s trying to bust this old lady for speeding.
The best thing happens for both of us. I’m slow. And he finishes his business and then speeds off. Driving past me without giving me a care in the world.
I mean… It’s not like I’m up to any bad. Seeing as the fourteenth anniversary of 9/11 isn’t in a mere few hours or anything. And I’m not just randomly walking by the airport.
Any ways, luckily for me, I wouldn’t have to explain that for the first time in my 32 years of life I enjoy walking. Seriously if that’s not a signal of a terrorist than I just don’t know.
As I continue walking….
I finally find my first meeting with the pond. I walk by. Counting the minutes, the steps and wondering why it’s taking oh so long to back to my car.
Speaking of counting the steps. For all those who are wondering, don’t worry. I have long passed my 10,000 step goal. It happened some where after I found the directions back to my car.
So basically if I was to be arrested I would have had the knowledge that yes, I had met my daily step count goal.
Yet, sadly, my butt would belong to some guy named well, I don’t want to mention names of future lovers. After all, I can’t predict the future.
So as I venture past the pond, past the cemetery and back over the bridge. I remind myself that while it hurts as hell just walking, it was a fun adventure.
Getting back to my car, in the parking lot of some office building, I take the quickest route possible. Because a straight line is always the quickest.
But my current logic is epically flawed because well, I go over this small little hill, which then suddenly out of nowhere turns in to the highest mountain in all of the world. As I hope to approach the top of this ever growing mountain I can only hope I can fall to the other side and roll my way to my car.
To a car that has suddenly become alive and moved even backwards and is teasing me. Taunting out and saying ‘You’ll never reach me! You’ll die with in inches of opening my door! And you’ll never ever feel the sweet greatness of air conditioning.”
Okay, maybe my car didn’t come to life. And maybe it didn’t say anything. Of course the small little hill didn’t grow into a mountain. But my tires said ‘I’ll never be able to post all the pictures to Facebook to gain one’s and one’s of likes.”
For more on the pictures please like me on Facebook and click these very words you are reading. You’ll enjoy the pictures, look at them, like them, comment on them and share them with your friends. But please all proceeds should be donated back to me. Because with all this walking I’ll need a wheelchair.