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In continuing this 20 Days Of Chill Writing Challenge, I have been participating and it’s now time for a new post. As you may remember Monday I started this challenge and have now completed 4 days worth of the challenge and you can read them both by checking out 20 Days Of Chill.

Today is a new day and a new challenge and today’s theme is:

A fading memory

We all have memories of the past. We even have those moments during the day where we forget what we’re doing. Why did we go into that room? Where are my keys? We’ve all had these questions as well. But today’s theme “A fading memory” now this, this is a little heavy. Especially in which memory you try and remember.

I can remember times of joy, times of pain, I can remember random moments too. I remember the day of my graduation party telling my Grandma, the one who has passed, that her and my Grandfather should stick around and see my girlfriend at the time. I remember driving home from my first job, when I was a dishwasher at a restaurant called The Boathouse. And how I’d be driving home at 12 am, 1 am in my first car which was a 1987 GMC Vandura.

I remember falling asleep talking to my mother a few weeks later because I was so tired from working and being a High School student, as well as being a football player and the best part of which was I fell asleep on our stairs which had seen the carpet ripped off of it because we were getting a new carpet in the morning. Luckily I didn’t fall down.

There’s tons of small memories that come into my mind all the time, from times in High School, from things from wrestling shows I’ve attended, or just hanging around the house and being lazy. From times hanging out with my brother, my father or various other family members. I remember times hanging out with Ma and Da. I remember times Da drove us to the Camillus Erie Canal Park and drove like a maniac because he was showing off for me. Or the time he took me to the movie theaters to see the movie Spawn.

All of these memories and more, I remember. There are however so many I have forgotten. Thanks to others telling me stories, sharing pictures or even the few videos we have help me to remember.

But there are memories I want to remember and forget. Those are the last days of my mother. The pain I felt is nothing compared to the pain she felt. The moments I spent half awake because I stayed up all night working and then went to visit her for the day. Those are the memories I can feel are fading away. Because my mind wants to forget the sorrow I felt, yet on the other hand I want to remember them.

I remember visiting her and noticing that her neighbors in the ICU were like characters out of the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. I remember sitting beside her while she layed in bed and I tried reading but it was no use because I was so tired from working that the words blended together and every now and then I would stop to see how she was doing, not knowing if she was breathing or not. I remember a nurse, or some sort of therapist coming in and trying to calm her down with some odd lights and things and her getting so pissed off at her.

I remember visiting her when she was eventually moved to hospice and she would get so happy when I visited. She would enjoy drinking chocolate milk, it’d be like the only thing she cared about. Or the night we had Chinese food with her, where she almost seemed like her old self. The times Ma and Da came up with my uncle Nonnie and Amy. Where my mom tried so hard to seem like nothing was wrong.

I hope I never forget the memories of my mom. But I know one day I’ll forget them. And I don’t know how to stop that, but I know as long as I have ability to write it down I can always stop and read them and remember just a little bit.