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In continuing this 20 Days Of Chill Writing Challenge, I have been participating and it’s now time for a new post. As you may remember three weeks ago I started this challenge and have now completed 16 days worth of the challenge and you can read them both by checking out 20 Days Of Chill.

Today is a new day and a new challenge and today’s theme is:

Home run

Oh look it’s another baseball theme. Well, I’m going to change this theme and translate it to something else. While I do enjoy a good baseball game, and baseball news, as I usually have the MLB Network on. I also find that me describing a particular home run would be lame.

Yes, I know I could explain the time I got a home run on one of my birthdays when the Albany-Colonie Yankees still played around here, I want to say it was from Bernie Williams, but I don’t remember. Or the time I was a few rows away from missing a Johnny Damon home run from one of the New York Yankee playoff games.

But instead I would like to talk about the phrase home run and what it actually means in my eyes. More or less when it comes to life, instead of just a baseball thing.

Like when something is so good that there is no reason to do something else. And with our human condition of fear, anxiety, shame and what other people will think as well, as a million other factors we rarely do something like that. We rarely go all in, and that’s how I’m taking this home run thing.

You hit that out of the park, it’s never coming back. Something of that sorts.

We all make decisions, every day we make them, we decide what to wear, what to eat, what to watch on television. We have a lot of decisions to make with money, with family and friends. We have tons and tons of them. Most of which are small and not life changing.

Most of these decisions are base hits, a double maybe, especially if we were to put them into baseball terms. Sometimes we get a easy decision like someone makes it for us, like a base on balls, sometimes someone even pays for our dinner at the restaurant, that’s a hit by pitch. I guess.

But a life changing decision now that’s a home run!

I haven’t made many of these decisions in my life. Granted I’ve made smaller life changing decisions, inside the park one’s maybe. Like when I decided to go to a wrestling show, or maybe when I took a job as a night manager at a grocery store. These are small life changing decisions. Nothing like a actual home run.

You could call it a fear of hitting a home run. Years ago, I thought about making a huge move and going away to college or even becoming a wrestler which would have made me move away. And I never committed. I backed away.

I had moved out of my parents house. And then I moved back in. Those are small life changing events. Nothing like a home run, because I stayed close. I didn’t make a huge move of hundreds of miles away, but more like 10 or 20 minutes away.

A fear of hitting a home run, it’s not a real psychological claim but something I’ve come up with. It’s more of a fear of making a life changing move. Something that we all at one point need to make, however sad, painful it may be.

I don’t know what huge life changing event I need to make, but I would strongly like to change my current working conditions. After nearly 10 years of working the night shift, it’s getting old. It’s becoming alarming that I no longer have the desire to do it. I’m feeling the pains of working nights, I’m fearing missing out on more things. I like being social. Working nights takes that away.

I’ve been working on strongly on succeeding from my night job, and it’s tough. With working all night, and the fact I need to sleep during the day sometimes I miss phone calls. Sometimes it’s a few hours later when I return it, or I miss a e-mail and it takes a day later for the person to receive my e-mail.

Also with that comes the new age of getting a job and that’s the assessment part. Most jobs now a day require you to take an assessment, which is a test that takes an hour or more and gives you a series of questions about the job, it tests you. These are also hard for me to take, because well, I have to concentrate and it’s hard after working all night, or with the craziness of needing sleep.

But then again… this is just an excuse. I really need to hit a home run. But I fear hitting it. Sometimes so much, I fear stepping into the batters box. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m actually comfortable with the life I live, because it’s the only life I know.

But…

I really do want to hit a home run.

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