Seven years goes faster than you think. You don’t think it would, but before you know it today will just be a mere memory. This is the thought going through my head right now. Especially seeing as today is the seventh anniversary of my mom passing away.

Today is one of those days where I’ll just go through the motions, I’ve been doing good so far, granted I’ve been at work for 8 hours of today. But it’s the next hour or so before I go to bed that I’m worried about. It’s when I actually get in my bed and try to lay down and my head gets going. That’s what I’m worried about. I’m not worried about going to work tonight, I’ll get over it, I’ll have something to preoccupy my mind.

Seven years. A lot can happen in seven years. You’d think I would have a long list of accomplishments, I guess I do if I really take the time to think about it. But it’s nothing too overwhelming, it’s just living. It’s finding new hobbies, finding new people in my life, living my life.

Losing your mother is one of the toughest things I have ever done. I’m not sure if there’s anything worse, I don’t really want to go and challenge that either. Having to wonder what could have been, where my life could have gone and all those other what ifs. It’s tough, just thinking and wishing.

If I really stop and start thinking, I’ll break down. It’s something I want to do and really hope I don’t do. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve cried, I’ve held it together, I’ve gotten mad, I’ve gone through all the stages and then some.

I go back and have rethought everything leading up to that day. I look back and try to analyze what happened days, months, years before that day. I try to think if there’s anything I could have done to help. Could I have stopped that day from happening? Deep down inside I wish I could have. But maybe it happened for a reason, I’m not sure what hell the reason was because living this life without my mom, my best friend. It’s tough.

I’ve been looking back at things I’ve written and things that my uncle even wrote. I know I’ll write more, I hope to at least.

You can read my uncle’s blog and stories about my mom, by checking out Our Times with Tam Terrific 

For those of you interested in reading more about things I wrote about my mom, please check out the following links:

Of course, there’s more, but this is just an example.